Struggling Hard

Last year I made some mistakes that I wish I could take back. People say "No way I wouldn't take it back because that is what makes you YOU." And to that, I would say well that's the biggest load of bullcrap I have EVER heard and that you should get a grip.

Ever since my mistakes, I have been such a sad person. Nothing makes me happy; I can never enjoy myself. It seems as though everyone is against me, like what i have done has made everyone not regard me as highly as they used to. And to THAT i say BULLCRAP. Cant you remember a time when YOU made a mistake? Yeah that's right, I am sure you can. I have been treated by some people like a child- someone who needs to be reprimanded and put in their place. Thanks but no thanks. By some other people, I have been completely de-friended and left out. That seems like an easy way out doesnt it? Yep I guess so. Some people have lost feelings for me, putting me in such a low place that I just want to grab my purse and leave.

These past couple of months have been complete hell. I have never felt so alone and betrayed. To my face people act like everything is just dandy and that nothing has changed, but when they finally blow up in my face its like the most hurtful thing I have ever experienced. I'm also torn because half of me feels like I deserve this and that they are just in their actions. The other half of me says NO WAY I don't deserve to be treated like this. I'm so completely lost.

I used to be the happiest, smiliest, fun-loving girl ever. And now I can't go a day without crying whether it be something brought up from the past or something new. I can't wait for the days to be over. I have SUCH bad anxiety and sometimes I just feel like I'm not going to make it out of this.