Thursday, December 26, 2013

Christmas 2013!

Christmas was awesome!! I went home and saw my parents on the 22nd and spent the day with my mom while my dad and Jordan went to a Raiders/Chargers game. On the 25th, Jordan and I spent time at his house.
 This is Rascal, the cutest little reindeer I ever did see!!
Merry Christmas from Jordan and I!

Our 2nd Christmas together after 4 years.

And on the 24th, I got my hair done yay!

Thursday, December 19, 2013


 So basically everything has been going really well! Here is what has been happening...
 On December 10th I turned 23 years old! Not cool!!! Every time I think how I am 23 that Blink 182 song comes into my head....
I started working as Leasing Specialist in Fullerton, California and I love it. I even have my own desk!!
Basically I have just been really happy.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Things Are Great!

 I spent Thanksgiving with some awesome people! Thanks for a great time!!
I also started my new job today! I am so excited to have my own desk and computer :)

Monday, November 18, 2013

What a Great Weekend!!

 On Thursday, November 14th, Jordan, Jesse, Mayra, and I went to the West Hollywood House of Blues to see Lupe Fiasco! He totally threw down. During two songs, Drizzy's Law and Daydreamin, he called all the girls to the front row. Mayra and I were FRONT AND CENTER! It was soooo amazing!!
On Sunday, November 17th, Jordan and I went to the Staples Center to see the Lakers take on the Pistons. The Lakers won AND held them to 99, which meant we got Tacos!! :) The seats were a present from Jordan's sister, and we were so thankful!! They were handicapped seats,so we got extra leg room and NO ONE was in front of us!! Such good seats! Thank you Gina :)

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

LaRue Wedding! CONGRATS Gina and Jason!!

On Saturday, November 2nd 2013, Gina Flores married Jason LaRue in San Clemente, California and it was absolutely beautiful! I am so happy for them!! Gina deserves absolute happiness. I was so honored to be one of her bridesmaids. Have fun in Jamaica you two :)

"action, thriller, I could watch you forever"

 Bridesmaid and Groomsman! We had a fantastic time!
 Jordan, me, Mayra, Alan, Reggie, and Jessie!! I love them all!!
Jordan are you licking me? Lol
 The beautiful bride and the proud dad!!
Beautiful views!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Conference Weekend in Utah!

Friday, Oct. 4th Jordan and I flew from Long Beach, California to Salt Lake City, Utah to attend the 183rd General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints! We had an AMAZING time :)

 We got ice cream at Letherby's before Jordan's mission reunion in Kaysville, Utah. It was so good!
 Jordan looking cute as usual :)
 Waiting for our flight at 6am! UGH
 I got to meet up with my beautiful best friend Tela! I am so lucky to meet her in California and then be able to visit her when I go to Utah!
 Jordan wants to attend U of U for PT school, so we bought beanies in support. Plus, it was like 30 degrees outside, and we were cold.

Picture of us inside the Conference center after the Prophet, Apostles, and General Authorities exited. If you are interested in more information, visit !! We had an amazing weekend!!

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Weekend in the Hospital

In the middle of the night on Thursday, I woke up with extreme pain in the middle and right side of my abdomen. After lying awake for about 3 hours, I fell back asleep. On Friday morning, the pain was still there, so I made an emergency appointment with my regular doctor at UCLA. Before I went, I went to my classes and took a test even in extreme pain. When I went to my appointment, my doctor was extremely concerned I may be suffering from Appendicitis, but couldn't say for sure. An extremely nice nurse from the office walked me to the Emergency Room (and even carried my backpack!). She got me settled and left. I was called from the waiting room within 10 minutes and given a bed. Another very kind nurse came in and started running tests upon tests. He said "You will be here a very long time. UCLA is a slow moving beast, but the BEST slow moving beast around." And boy was he right. He was amazing-went out of his way to make me comfortable my getting me extra blankets, turning on/off the lights, checking on me, and even charging my phone so I could call my mom and dad (who live 200 miles away.) When it came time for my CAT Scan, he gave me warnings on how I would feel and I am so happy he did because I was alone and scared. When the CAT scan came back, there was bad news. I had to have an Appendectomy. I immediately called my family and boyfriend and they were on their way. About an hour and a half later, they had me up about to go into the operating room. At that time my parents hadn't arrived yet, and I was scared and started to cry. The anesthesiologist explained everything to me and distracted me all the way until I fell asleep. I am so grateful to her for that. When I woke up, I noticed that my three incisions were covered with gauze like normal, but they were cut into the shape of hearts. What thoughtful staff helped me get through a terrible weekend in the hospital. Thank you Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center!!

So thankful for my mom, dad, and Jordan who drove 200 miles to be with me. I have an awesome family who held my hand all the way through, and awesome ER doctors!

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Weekends in Westwood

Every weekend Jordan drives up to Westwood to spend time with me whenever I dont work. I NEVER thought that this would be the situation that we would be in, and I must say I am a bit disappointed. HOWEVER I am so glad that both of us are more than willing to do whatever needs to be done to make sure we always make time for each other when we can. If we didnt do that, we would have major issues!! Haha. Anyways, we never plan ahead-instead we just say "Uhhhh what do you wanna do?" It always turns out super fun!! We have seen Were the Millers, The Conjuring, And Elysim all which were AWESOME. Last weekend, we decided to go to the LA Temple Family History Center just to poke around on the computers. I made a huge find! I found my great-uncle, great great grandma, and great great grandpa! AND I found out that all 3 are buried in Culver City, California which is 10 minutes from where I live! So of course we went and visited. Family history is awesome! Families are forever and I cannot wait to meet mine one day :)

 Gerald Jacob Carmichael, my 18 year old great uncle killed in the Korean War. So heartbreaking...he left a widow home here in the states.
 My great great grandpa Andrew Jacob Carmichael. My dad remembers him as a funny caring man.
 Margaret H. Carmichael, my great great grandma. My dad said he knew her as his "little grandma" haha. Every woman in my family is sooo little!
 In the Holy Cross Catholic Cemetary in Culver City, California. 8/17/2013.
Random side note: My paralegal school had professional head shots done for us. It works :) Haha

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Hollywood Sign!!

So this past Saturday, Jordan and I decided we wanted to hike to the Hollywood sign. Unknown to us, you CANT hike all the way to the sign anymore. So, we got as close as we could get. We saw some AWESOME views of Lake La Brea and the city. And of course, the Hollywood sign. We made out own fun :) There was a BEAUTIFUL park right under the sign.....greenest grass I have ever seen!  And there were puppies running around which of course made me happy. It was a great day! Only bad part was when we were walking down a super steep hill I ate crap. WHILE HOLDING JORDANS HAND! Who manages that?? Well it hurt. No one saw. But now I blasted this on the internet. Oh well!!

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Ever Ours.

Though still in bed, 
my thoughts go out to you, 
my Immortal Beloved, 
now and then joyfully, then sadly, 
waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - 

I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you 
until I can fly to your arms and say 
that I am really at home with you, 
and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - 

Yes, unhappily it must be so - 
You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. 
No one else can ever possess my heart - 
never - never - 
Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. 

And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - 
At my age I need a steady, quiet life - 
can that be so in our connection? 

My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day 
- therefore I must close at once 
so that you may receive the letter at once 

- Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence 
can we achieve our purpose to live together 
- Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - 
what tearful longings for you - 
you - you - my life - my all - farewell. 

Oh continue to love me - 
never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

August 7th, 2013

Today has been especially hard. One year ago, 365 days ago, my missionary returned from his mission. I can remember that day clearly. I was at a camp for work and I was in a daze. I couldnt believe that 200 miles away my missionary was flying into John Wayne Airport where all of his family would be waiting, and I wouldnt be. (I wasnt there because I wasnt allowed, not because I was at work.) For the 2 years prior to that, I dreamed of that day forever. I literally had dreams about it. How would I feel? Would I cry? Would I get a hug? Would I run to him? I loved dreaming up the different scenarios. But at the end of the day, NONE of that would ever become a reality.

I used to think that I would never have true closure from his mission. I saw him off, but would NEVER be able to get this day back. Even a year later I feel upset that I wasnt able to be there.

Now, a whole year has gone by. Things are nowhere near what I thought they would be, and for that, I am very sad.

When do you know when to let go?

Monday, August 5, 2013

I think I'll miss you forever

Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness
I just wanted you to know
That, baby, you're the best

I got my red dress on tonight
Dancing in the dark in the pale moonlight
Done my hair up real big beauty queen style
High heels off, I'm feeling alive

Oh, my God, I feel it in the air
Telephone wires above are sizzling like a snare
Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere
Nothing scares me anymore

I've got that summertime, summertime sadness
S-s-summertime, summertime sadness
Got that summertime, summertime sadness
Oh, oh, oh

I'm feelin' electric tonight
Cruising down the coast goin' 'bout 99
Got my bad baby by my heavenly side
I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight

Oh, my God, I feel it in the air
Telephone wires above are sizzling like a snare
Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere
Nothing scares me anymore

I think I'll miss you forever
Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky
Later's better than never
Even if you're gone I'm gonna drive (drive, drive)

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Struggling Hard

Last year I made some mistakes that I wish I could take back. People say "No way I wouldn't take it back because that is what makes you YOU." And to that, I would say well that's the biggest load of bullcrap I have EVER heard and that you should get a grip.

Ever since my mistakes, I have been such a sad person. Nothing makes me happy; I can never enjoy myself. It seems as though everyone is against me, like what i have done has made everyone not regard me as highly as they used to. And to THAT i say BULLCRAP. Cant you remember a time when YOU made a mistake? Yeah that's right, I am sure you can. I have been treated by some people like a child- someone who needs to be reprimanded and put in their place. Thanks but no thanks. By some other people, I have been completely de-friended and left out. That seems like an easy way out doesnt it? Yep I guess so. Some people have lost feelings for me, putting me in such a low place that I just want to grab my purse and leave.

These past couple of months have been complete hell. I have never felt so alone and betrayed. To my face people act like everything is just dandy and that nothing has changed, but when they finally blow up in my face its like the most hurtful thing I have ever experienced. I'm also torn because half of me feels like I deserve this and that they are just in their actions. The other half of me says NO WAY I don't deserve to be treated like this. I'm so completely lost.

I used to be the happiest, smiliest, fun-loving girl ever. And now I can't go a day without crying whether it be something brought up from the past or something new. I can't wait for the days to be over. I have SUCH bad anxiety and sometimes I just feel like I'm not going to make it out of this.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

What Im Always Listening To.....

Walking On A Dream by Empire of the Sun

No Faith in Brooklyn by Hoodie Allen

You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol

Butterflies by Alana Lee

I Could Be the One by Avicii

Courage Is by The Strange Familiar

The Everglow by Mae

Left Too Late by Florrie

Speeding Cars by Imogen Heap

LGFUAD by Motion City Soundtrack

Many of Horror by Biffy Clyro

Then I Did by Rascal Flatts

Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge

And so on and so on and so on. I could be here all night.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

This New Life.

Moving from Oceanside to CSUN in August 2009 for my first year of college was scary but okay. I adjusted pretty quickly and I had fun and met an awesome guy named Jordan. I did my four years in college and graduated May 2013. After college, I decided to go to paralegal school at UCLA, and here I am.

On July 19th, 2013, I moved from Oceanside to Westwood. I was pretty excited for a new adventure. Little did I know, I would be miserable. I have had stomach issues that started about a week and a half before I left (which I think is the result of something else) and I have had such high anxiety and I cant stop crying. My whole body hurts all the time and all I want to do is sleep, but I cant ever sleep for more than 30 mins at a time without waking up. I get to see Jordan on Saturdays, which means I get to see him around 4 times a month. This SUCKS because at CSUN I saw him every single day. I am very lonely and always missing my other half. I know I need to suck it up and be an independent adult, but I am struggling! On Saturday night when Jordan drops me off at my apartment, I dread getting out of his car because I know I have to go through another week at this apartment that makes me feel like the worst "me" Ive ever been.

I hope things can be better soon.
Yesterday was amazing, Jordan and I went to Santa Monica Promenade and I saw puppies which made me very happy.

I am trying to stay positive, because it could be so much worse.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Becoming Better

Brad Pitt about his wife:

My wife got sick. She was constantly nervous because of problems at work, personal life, her failures and children. She lost 30 pounds and weighted about 90 pounds. She got very skinny and was constantly crying. She was not a happy woman. She had suffered from continuing headaches, heart pain and jammed nerves in her back and ribs. She did not sleep well, falling asleep only in the mornings and got tired very quickly during the day. Our relationship was on the verge of a break up. Her beauty was leaving her somewhere, she had bags under her eyes, she was poking her head, and stopped taking care of herself. She refused to shoot the films and rejected any role. I lost hope and thought that we’ll get divorced soon… But then I decided to act. After all I’ve got the most beautiful woman on earth. She is the idol of more than half of men and women on earth, and I was the one allowed to fall asleep next to her and to hug her. I began to shower her with flowers, kisses and compliments. I surprised and pleased her every minute. I gave her a lot of gifts and lived just for her. I spoke in public only about her. I incorporated all themes in her direction. I praised her in front of her own and our mutual friends. You won’t believe it, but she blossomed. She became better. She gained weight, was no longer nervous and loved me even more than ever. I had no clue that she CAN love that much.

And then I realized one thing: the woman is the reflection of her man.

If you love her to the point of madness, she will become it.

Brad Pitt

I read this story from Brad Pitt and it touched me deeply. I have had a very hard time with some things lately that have caused me to become physically ill. I really related to this story, and I am so happy to have hope that things  CAN become better. I have so much respect for Brad & Angelina.

Friday, July 19, 2013

First Day in My New Apartment!

Today was crazy! I moved into my new apartment in Westwood, CA (right across the street from UCLA.) My dad and I woke up at 6am to pack up his truck and make the 2 hour drive!!

My amazinggg boyfriend Jordan drove up to help us move. So the three of us made many....and I mean many....trips up 5 flights of stairs. NOT cool. My dad took us out to lunch at Denny's and then we went to Target. Soon after, my dad said his goodbye's and headed home.

Jordan and I spent the day organizing my stuff, watching tv in the common area, and walking downtown. It was home but I was already feeling homesick :(

Here are some interesting things about my apartment:

1. The internet SUCKS. wayy worse than CSUN's horrible internet.
2. Showering here sucks. You have to balance your clothes and towel on the shower door. Not fun.
3. Its very lively.
4. 99% of the people who live here are from Thailand/China/Korea.

I miss home already!!!! :(

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Summer So Far!!

MAN! I have done a horrible job at blogging and taking pics so far this summer! Well, here is a quick summary of some of the things I have done so far!

 Jordan and I went to Six Flags 2 days after the new roller coaster Full Throttle opened! It was pretty cool! But it was soooo hot and we waited for 2 hours :(
 He took me on a date night to Fuddruckers, his favorite place!!
 Well as you know I graduated from college, and this pic is now blown up and hanging in my house!
 Jordan and I volunteered at the Ladanian Tomlinson 5k run in San Diego, JUST so Jordan could see his man crush!
 I took some bathroom selfies haha
 Jordan and I had too much fun playing on his cousin's Ipad!!
 Jordan came down and stayed in Oceanside with me so he could meet up with one of his old mission companions who was visiting Oceanside from Utah!
I walked his Chow Chow and Jack Russel terrier ALOT which he was at work!! hehe

Friday, May 24, 2013


 Jordan and I in his backyard :)
 My baby Rascal
 My beautiful Leis
 Diploma and presents from my mom and dad
 My favorite Chow, Chowder!!
 So many flowers from everyone I love!!
 Passed with flying colors!
 My amazing supportive other half
 Jordan's fam!!

 My fam!
So yeah it's loveeeee